Humans are creatures of thought. We think in order to formulate a method of getting what we want. And unless you are still struggling to find food, water and shelter (in which case I highly recommend not reading the rest of this article, as it will not add any survival value to your life), you have aspirations that far exceed what other animals would be content with. These desires are what make us all human. There are various fields in which we have these desires. And, these desires are what describe our outlook on life, as well as how happy we percieve ourselves to be.
We are social animals. Yet, as individuals, we are far separated from each other. Aspirations differ for each and every one of us. That is the reason the human world is so diverse, with so many commodities being traded and so many thoughts being shared. We are all consumers of the global commodity market and of the global thinking network. Our ideas are shaped by the things around us and the feelings within us. Yet, we do not often comprehend the core things we want, leading us to wander the market of goods and the market of ideas, looking for another thing that we think we desire.
We all have physical, intellectual, emotional, material and social needs, which are necessary to survive. But, we also have wants in each of these fields, which usually exceed the basic needs. Wants vary from person to person. You might want a well toned bodybuilder physique, while I might be satisfied with being able to walk a few miles at a time. You may intellectually want to always be on the right side of debates or you may be satisfied by the learning experience the discussion provided. You may want to be loved and cared for, or you may just want to be left alone. You may want a bicycle, or you may aspire for a Lamborghini Gallardo or a LearJet. You may want to be socially accepted, to be socially approved, to be socially respected, socially connected or socially famous, each of which are different things.
The problem with many of us is that we do not try to identify our real wants, so we cannot be truly happy. We strive for things that others want us or even themselves to achieve, not really knowing if that is a part of our own desire-system. It is like drinking a coffee when your friend is doing so, but when you yourself would rather have a soda. Or vice versa.
While the occasional forfeiture of one's desires in order to fit in might be beneficial in a group of friends, we extend this to other occasions. Friends usually have overlapping value systems, so a temporary forfeiture here and a reciprocation there actually help us achieve emotional and social objectives. But, we should realize that compromise should be reserved to situations where a more important want is favored in place of a less important want. Compromising your beverage is not a drastic compromise, and you may gain insight into your friend's tastes, which can help in the longer term.
But when you forfeit a more important want, it leads to internal discord. If you hate your job but forfeit a chance at a dream vacation you desired since childhood for a business meeting you didn't necessarily have to be a part of, but which might slightly increase your salary, you are essentially compromising something valuable for something not as important. Of course, if missing the meeting might mean losing your job, you should factor in whether you hate the job more than unemployment.
The problem is, we do a lot of things too mechanically. We do not stop to think about how our plans fit in with our wants. We often do not realize what our real wants are, in the first place. If you want to be socially approved, you have to fit in with all the norms of society. However, if you want to be socially acceptable, you can break the ideals a lot of times and get away with it. If you want to be famous, you may have to break many social norms that come your way and even risk being unacceptable to society.
We also need to weigh each desire against desires from other realms. Does your buying a new car mean you'll lose any exercise you currently get? Can that exercise be replaced by another regimen? Will it mean you can visit friends and family that live farther than you normally travel on a weekend? Will the expenses mean you cannot settle down and start a family or go on vacation? You should consider which of these is your priority desire. Your decision should be based on what will make you most happy, not based on what your family, friends, co-workers, neighbors and society as a whole say you should do(unless it is a major emotional and social desire to do what everyone else tells you to do, which might suggest you have a personality disorder).
It takes time, yes. But the time you spend deciding what you really want pays back dividends, often many times over. It helps you get more of the things you want out of life. Most importantly, when you are in your deathbed, you can say to yourself "I did all those things, not because I had to, but because I wanted to." And what is a life better lived, than one in which the decisions were all wanted, rather than forced?
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The writer does not claim to be an expert in any field. He is just sharing his opinions based on his life, the lives around him, a few books and a lot of questions. This is merely his opinion at the current level of knowledge and experience he has.
All ideas and theories expressed here ar subject to change.
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